11-20-08

Wow, I have been putting this off for awhile. Every time I have had a good thought or idea to post about I have not had the time to do anything about it. Then it seemed every time I did have the time to post I was just brain dead or uninspired. I'm not sure which one of those I am right now, but I do have some data to report back from the real world. I have recently learned that it is quite difficult to try to bridge two parts of yourself that used to both be independent of each other. It is akin to trying to force two magnets together at their north poles. At first it resists, but if the magnets are small enough and you are big and strong enough you can force them together in an uncomfortable, if unsustainable pair. I think this is the difficulty of trying to have the best of both worlds. I suppose there must be some kind of drawback. There is no free lunch. However, right now I am happy with this uncomfortable, if unsustainable person. I have recently been able to really appreciate beauty more deeply and in more places than ever. Beauty in science, beauty in logic, beauty in art, beauty in acting on your damn animal instincts in a structured way, beauty in nothing, beauty in being bored, the beauty in just being aware of time passing and precious, irreplaceable moments fleeting me, the beauty in getting drunk, strutting like a peacock, and pounding on your chest like a gorilla- but not all necessarily in that order. There can be order and chaos. There can be disarray and structure. However, I might forewarn the unsuspecting. It is not easy. Whether you are someone who is all over the place, flying by the seat of his pants, trying to schedule your life more carefully, or someone who normally plans his every day down until the last minute trying to just break out and do something crazy. Prepare to spend a lot of time at each one of the poles of them when they are really fighting it. But if you can somehow weather the storm you will come out a new, improved, better-than-ever butterfly from the cocoon, but more like a Frankenstein with bits and pieces from everywhere bolted together. Gotta go. Time for a show. Something I see more of in my future. Just as long as I'm home by a certain time. And I only have a certain number of beers. And I make sure to floss my teeth and rinse too, for a long time this time, I'm serious, when I get home. OK, so maybe I got the worst from both worlds. Whatever- at least I've got 'em.